You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
