Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
