ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
