dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize