No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
