omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
