True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
