Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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