She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
