I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
