That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
