Jerry, you need to find god
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
