I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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