when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
