I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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