ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
