1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
