Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
