a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
