i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
