Ambien. No doubt about it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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