if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
