I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
