im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
