Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
