I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
