I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
