I'm drive I can fine osifer
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
