She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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