I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So many bounce houses so little time
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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