i love accidental penises.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
