If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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