After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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