It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
