Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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