i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
