God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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