$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
