just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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