New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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