I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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