you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she told me i tasted like america
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
