They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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