atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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