It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
