I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
