You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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