dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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