On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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