The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
