Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
