Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
