you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
