How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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