508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
