i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
