if i died would you start the facebook group?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
