im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
