Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I sprained my soul last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
