What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize