her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This baby is an asshole
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
