is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
