He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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