when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Come see our sink grown plant.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
