I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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