how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
