My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
