he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Found the puke drawer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
