I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
