it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
