so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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