I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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