Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't turn off my feet"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
