We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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