At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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