he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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