fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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