I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
