called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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