this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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