Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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