so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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