he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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