I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
