The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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