watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you would pick up someone in the library
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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