doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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