Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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