I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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