It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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