Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
