sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
