Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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