margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
