Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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