Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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