No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
