I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
