Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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